(This blog post is specifically about my health issues. Could be found boring to some, but it is very crucial for me to continue to be transparent in my journey to health. By doing so, I am connecting with more and more people who have some of the same battles that I do, and I feel less alone. I am a warrior. I hope I help someone else feel less alone also.) 💕
Today is a bad pain day. As someone who suffers from chronic depression, anxiety, and insomnia, any physical pain on top of emotional pain is hard to cope with. Unfortunately, I have two major health issues that cause me severe physical pain. I am only 24 years old. I can’t tell you how many times a Doctor has said to me “you’re way to young to have these issues.” This is my reality though. Two days ago, I had an MRI done (one of many that I’ve had done) and it showed no change in a bulging disk I have in my lower back since I was 16 years old. On top of this, I have also been diagnosed with Endometriosis. I’ve had two surgeries now for the Endometriosis. My cycles are unbearable. Also, the back pain intensifies when I am on my cycle (as if it wasn’t bad enough already).
For Christmas, a friend gifted me a small book titled “Words From A Wanderer- 62 Days of Self Affirming Notes,” by Alexandra Elle, and I have been reading it religiously. I truly treasure this gift, I have been quite the “wanderer” the past couple months. I usually tend to not follow the rules with books like these, I get antsy and want to read it all in one sitting. But with this book, I have been strict with myself and I am really benefiting from this. I am currently on day number 10, and each day I am excited to read each note, and by doing so, each one really sinks in and I can reflect on one at a time. Today’s #anote2self stated “Learn to move in silence. There will be many instances where saying nothing will speak the loudest.” This really struck me because I have a hard time just being still. I feel as if I always have to be doing or saying something (hence a blog post being written as I am stuck in bed with a migraine and a heating pad on my stomach and lower back). Lol!
So what am I doing to cope now that I am attempting to EX pain pills from my life? First of all, I confine in a loved one. I let them know I’m having a “bad pain day” so that I can have a supporter during the pain. By doing this one simple thing, I feel less alone and I stay more in the light rather than sinking farther into pain and negative thoughts- the darkness. There’s no reason to sit and mope about what I am going through, because that honestly can intensify the pain. I am learning more and more everyday that directing my thoughts in the positive direction, and on GOD, can help me mentally get through it. I use multiple different antics to battle the pain. I use heat and or cold on both my stomach and back. I have my boyfriend massage the area with topical lidocaine gel. I take a 800mg ibuprofen (which I know is still considered a pain pill but at least it’s non-narcotic). I try my best to meditate or keep my mind busy on a book or movie. Since I am currently on disability from work, I stay in bed. And I don’t beat myself up about it! It’s okay to not be okay. Narcotics are my very last option now. I am very proud of how far I have come in a short amount of time.
I am scheduled for injections into my lower back. Surgery is the last option, but could be a part of my near future depending on how well the injections help me.
All of this has been overwhelming, but I am attempting to take on one battle at a time. There is no other way to battle these things than to simply take one day at a time. I dream of a future that includes 0 prescription pills. Although, mine have saved my life. I have seen prescription pills turn the best people into someone they don’t want to be. I do know one thing for certain- you can’t go into battle alone. Confine in a loved one, be transparent with your journey to health, and never go into battle alone.